Dear Abby: Preschooler Being Breastfed Is A Concern For Her Father

[garpu]

 DEAR ABBY: Our daughter turns 5 soon, and my wife still breastfeeds her to bed every night and wakes her a few times a night for more breastfeeding. This has had negative consequences on our marriage.

 

All my daughter's peers have been weaned and have been sleeping alone through the night for the last three years. Our daughter's mouth is filled with cavities, and my wife's breasts are no-touch zones sexually. My wife refuses even to consider stopping. Is it time for me to leave? -- PERPLEXED DAD IN WISCONSIN

 

DEAR DAD: No, it's time for your daughter's pediatrician and her dentist to be informed about this because it may not be healthy for your child. Your wife appears to be fostering dependency instead of helping the girl to achieve independence. Your wife may think she has been doing the right thing, but if her own emotional needs are so great that she can't alter her parenting style, you may want to consult a licensed family therapist for guidance

[OK, thoughts on extended breastfeeding aside, I'm skeeved by the LW's comment about how his wife's breasts aren't for his sexual gratification.  Secondly, there are many other reasons why a kid would have cavity problems.  The waking during the night is kind of odd, I'll grant.  Does the kid want to be fed during the night?  Are there issues with night terrors or the like that could be dealt with in another way?]

Comments

[bittyknitter88]

I'm not skeeved about the sexual gratification thing. The guy might be a breast guy and totally bummed that he isn't allowed to touch them like he used to be able to before children. That is totally valid in my book.

I am concerned about the multiple wakings a night thing for a five-year-old. All the extended breastfeeding blog posts and articles I've read about it talk about it like it's a comfort thing, usually in the evening at bedtime, and a five-year-old should be able to self-sooth at night without intervention. You know, to an extent. There's always extenuating circumstances, but if this is nightly thing it is kinda weird.

I have children and I breastfed them, the second one until he was 1 and a half and then he was done with it and I was done with it. I have no judgement on the extended part, historically it is not unusual for young children to be soothed to sleep by their mothers. If I were still waking up nightly for my children past the age of 3 or so, I'd be beyond annoyed by the whole thing, but mine are well past that age and I wouldn't want to inflict that on myself. YMMV.

[garpu]

Not having had kids, I wasn't sure if feeding during the night like that was a sign of a worse problem, or something else going on, or totally normal.

[bittyknitter88]

It honestly does sound like a problem to me. I think there's something wrong with the mom.